Ladies, Gentlemen… ladies dressed as men.
I come to you today because my girlfriend has committed the unforgivable sin of throwing perfectly edible watermelon into the trash.
You want to tar and feather her. I feel your anger too.
Unfortunately her skin only takes organic tar and nobody makes that crap. Now, before you declare a religious crusade against my girlfriend for her unforgivable act of sacrilege… here’s some backstory to the whole deal.
She wanted me to buy watermelon for her because she read somewhere it’s good for women to eat watermelon, pineaples and loads of sweet fruits… because… well… “reasons”.
So I bought the watermelon and tossed it in the freezer because:
1- I was tired.
2- I was tired.
… unfortunately I was a bit too tired and forgot to take it out of the freezer. End result?
The watermelon lost most of its texture by the morning and looked real unappetising.
The girlfriend ( forgive her sins ) took one slice of the watermelon…
Bit it, and told me it was just “off”… so I told her to throw it away if she didn’t like it… which she did.
… ah fuck it was MY idea?
Okay, I’m the bad guy… but moving on now, there was another ruined batch of sliced watermelon she didn’t throw away.
I opened it, took a bite… and realised how DAMN GOOD it tasted.
It was so good in fact, for a moment I seriously considered fishing out the watermelon the girlfriend threw into the trash!
Then I realised it was too late.
I was too quick to decide and had her throw the watermelon away before I even took a moment to taste it.
… and it’s the same thing when it comes to ideas to use in your marketing.
Now I know this sounds crazy, and borderline absurd…
You’re going to be surprised by the crazy shit you can use in your sales letters… and especially your emails and promotions to hook your customer into your sales message.
I should know.
I’ve read financial promos and I have no idea what kind of drugs you need to write that kinda stuff…
But holy shit I need it.
Bottom line is this:
Aside from using your own common sense, and knowing your market… there are just some ideas you’re not going to know will work or not until you give them a good old college fap.
Don’t believe me?
…. You’ve spent the past 3 minutes reading about watermelons.
So test that shit.
Till the next wave of madness…
-Jay, the bad guy who ordered his girlfriend to throw away perfectly good watermelon.
I’m going to tar and feather myself now.